A psychedelic summer on condoms

Peace, prophylactics and pleasure.

Fredonia, I can truthfully say that over these past sunny summer weeks I've missed you dearly. With joy unspeakable and with warm sincerity I tell you I'm glad to be back in your midsts. Amen.

Now let's get to talking about some semen catchers.

I knew full well that the ‘Week in Condoms' would be returning for another run this fall.So in May I left with the steadfast goal of drilling into my conceptions of ‘jimmy hats' and fondling those conceptions until that paradigm erupted and higher plane of understanding oozed out and covered my chest and face. I purchased a one-way ticket to Thailand and started my pilgrimage to a synthetic latexed nirvana in Bangkok.

Six days after I arrived I was living in a local brothel with my summer lover Pimpen. One afternoon after we had been tripping on mescaline for about two or four days (I'm not really sure) she started giving me an ab ob nuat (body massage) and the minute she put her third world hands on me, my skin became translucent and transformed. My whole body felt ribbed to the touch and my feet felt like they were rolled up to my knees. The sweat pouring down my body felt like an organic lubricant. I knew beyond a doubt that I was a condom and that I could stretch my skin three times its current length. In a street side brothel within a disheveled bedroom, no bigger than a closet, with tapestries on the walls and jasmine incense burning, sitting on a tattered cushion, next to an empty mug of opium tea, I finally understood the nature of condoms. I understood their true nature! Oh god, I hope you vaginal spelunkers can follow me on this.

I finally saw that ‘peniswear' works as a bridge and allows any two people (at least) to meet each other as companions over a river of sensual entanglement. All the while leaving both parties free from consequence!! In my den of free love I realized that warming sensation ‘Johnson bags' are green lights for unbridled coital expeditions. I figured out that dual ribbed ‘dong gift-wrap' serves as a catalyst for engorged guttural moans. These thin and blessed pieces of latex allow for deeper human interaction than we give them credit for. Sex can be a beautiful and entrapping event and once we allow ourselves to abandon the fear of consequences we are allowed a freedom to commune with another soul and literally enter into convulsive applause.

Fredonia, as another fall semester starts its ascent let us move forward with a new understanding for what sex is and a new appreciation for how stupefying-ly unreal "dick socks' can improve it.

Peace. Prophylactics. Pleasure.