BP spills yet another brown liquid

It has been reported that on Friday September 3, 2010 that Tony Hayward, the CEO of British Petroleum knocked over his can of Coca-Cola. Mr. Hayward was eating lunch in a park outside his London office when he knocked the can onto the main ant hill in the United Kingdom. This anthill colony had the largest underground chambers and also had been reporting some of the highest food storage averages in its long history of serving fellow ants.

Mr. Hayward after knocking down the can took a power nap outside his office building got up and then left the coke can on the ground, leaving the soft drink to seep even deeper into the ants' habitat. At first Mr. Hayward downplayed the spill calling it "quite small". Since delivering that statement, a local news reporter for the Lampoon has reported that "1 to 2 teaspoons of Coca-Cola are leaking into this ant hill every day." When asked when he planed on picking up the coca-cola can and cleaning up his mess he said that he would get to it later, that the mess was "relatively tiny" (this being compared to all the ant holes out there in the world).

Later that week Hayward announced that he would send in a crew to help clean up the mess. When the crew arrived at the site they put down a few tissues over the top of the can. While this contained the liquid for a short time the cola eventually began to seep back into the ant hill. When Hayward's first plan failed he conferred his crew and stated to the public that he would need a few more days to come up with a more proactive plan to plug the leak.

Coca-Cola's sales have dropped since Hayward spilled the now infamous "can of coke". This resulted in Coca-Colas stocks to decrease as well as a rapid increase in the sale of Coca-Cola's biggest rivalry, Pepsi Co. It has also been reported that Hayward sold about one third of his Coca-Cola stocks just a few weeks before the spill. Thus insinuating that he knew that the company would have its biggest setback since "New Coke" hit the market in the mid 80's.

Coca-Cola is now doing everything possible to help the ants get back to their normal lives and be able to work again. Coca-Cola has announced that it will be paying for any physical or mental damage that the ants may have incurred from the spill. They are also paying for the clean up of the spill and for the loss of any product that may have been tainted by the soft drink. In doing this Coca-Cola is attempting to rebuild its customers' faith and devotion to its age-old product.

Since Coca-Cola has taken over the cleanup of the spill BP has decided to sit back and play their favorite game: "Go-Fish".