The following is a documentation of and reflection on the Literary Lampoon throughout the semester. Below you will see some statistics of the page, a list of topics that we aren't allowed to comment on and words we aren't allowed to say, a look back at...

'Oh, HELL no!' -Independence Day, 1996 ...

Why do Japs love robots so damn much? I just don't get it! It don't make no damn sense any kinda way. What is it that makes them get all infatuated over machines? A robot's nothing but a 6 foot metal doll that can make sandwiches and do back-flips and ...

Today, I think I'll eat a big bowl of Skittles and wildflowers just to throw up a beautiful rainbow. And you know what? I'll be laughing the whole time. After that, heck, I might start listening to Christmas Carols on repeat and not stop for the next t...

Within the last few years there have been a growing number of students at SUNY Fredonia who are abusing Ibuprofen. The number of abusers has reached an all time high this year. Stores like Wal-mart and Rite Aid are unable to keep their shelves stocked ...

Sometimes you're forced to interact with your landlord despite every effort of avoidance. Luckily, they know how to take an uncomfortable situation and make it painfully awkward. Here are some classic landlord zingers: 'Oh, you don't need ho...

• 'I'm thankful for my family, friends and this meal.'
• 'I'm thankful for everyone right here, right now.'
• 'I'm thankful for this T-A-S-T-Y turkey! Can I get an Amen Uncle Jeff?!'
• 'I'm thankful for ...
  ]]> Wed, 17 Nov 2010 1.1781405 Literary Lampoon
• 'I'm thankful for my family, friends and this meal.'
• 'I'm thankful for everyone right here, right now.'
• 'I'm thankful for this T-A-S-T-Y turkey! Can I get an Amen Uncle Jeff?!'
• 'I'm thankful for ...]]> Literary Lampoon http://www.fredonialeader.com/lampoon/literary-lampoon/missing-1.1781401
  
  

  I first received my paycheck on Friday but by Sunday morning the whole thing was gone. I found a couple of receipts from the supermarket, the liquor store and the ATM but I still don't know where the rest of my paycheck is. I seriously need to find out...

  ]]> Wed, 17 Nov 2010 1.1781401 Literary Lampoon Literary Lampoon http://www.fredonialeader.com/lampoon/literary-lampoon/yeah-he-actually-said-that-1.1781399
  
  

  This week may be the most important of my broadcast career. We are going to uncover the truth that has been hidden in plain sight for many, many years. Come over here. Get everybody you know to watch the program this week because this week, we'...

  ]]> Wed, 17 Nov 2010 1.1781399 Literary Lampoon Literary Lampoon http://www.fredonialeader.com/lampoon/literary-lampoon/lampoon-obituaries-1.1729952
  
  

  TV Remote's AA Batteries (5/12/2010- 10/22/2010) They brought so many weeks of televised joy to the Welch family and gave every last bit of their strength to ensure them a lazy television watching experience. The two television remote control ba...

  ]]> Wed, 27 Oct 2010 1.1729952 Literary Lampoon Literary Lampoon http://www.fredonialeader.com/lampoon/literary-lampoon/before-you-dress-like-a-whore-for-halloween-1.1729950 Brett Jones
  
  

  Keep in mind everyone is judging you. Don't fool yourself into thinking that it's acceptable to dress like a schizophrenic stripper just because little kids go door to door begging for candy. You're wrong. You look ridiculous and shou...

  ]]> Wed, 27 Oct 2010 1.1729950 Literary Lampoon Brett Jones Literary Lampoon http://www.fredonialeader.com/lampoon/literary-lampoon/man-tries-to-obtain-jesus-powers-through-bread-and-wine-diet-1.1717370 Brett Jones
  By: Brett Jones
  

  'Weight ain't an issue when you can walk on water.' This is Jeffery Bigelow's mantra for his drastic and experimental new diet consisting of only red wine and bread. Bigelow, a Chicago Transit Authority employee for 14 years and father of three, decide...

  ]]> Wed, 20 Oct 2010 1.1717370 Literary Lampoon Brett Jones Literary Lampoon http://www.fredonialeader.com/lampoon/literary-lampoon/candy-profiles-1.1717368 Shanyn Rubinstein
  By: Shanyn RubinsteinThe etiquette of sweet-toothing
  

  Open candy in a bowl: Ironically, this candy is not for the public to consume. These sweets are strictly for the overweight secretary sitting at her desk to enjoy. For no reason at all is someone supposed to reach their disgusting paws into the...

  ]]> Wed, 20 Oct 2010 1.1717368 Literary Lampoon Shanyn Rubinstein Literary Lampoon http://www.fredonialeader.com/lampoon/literary-lampoon/let-s-put-this-relationship-to-bed-1.1717365 Mr. Polone
  By: Mr. Polone
  

  The following is a one-sided transcript of a heart-wrenching phone call between a man and his bed. *sigh* Ring ring. ... Hey bed. ... I know it's been a while, I miss you too. .... You got new sheets? That's nice. That's really ni...

  ]]> Wed, 20 Oct 2010 1.1717365 Literary Lampoon Mr. Polone Literary Lampoon http://www.fredonialeader.com/lampoon/literary-lampoon/math-problem-real-problem-1.1687529
  
  

  1) Which of these is not a viable relationship? I. Tammy and Steve define their relationship with forgettable slovenly made hook-ups approx 15 minutes after last-call. No, they don't have each other's phone numbers. II. Jeff gives Karen rides...

  ]]> Wed, 13 Oct 2010 1.1687529 Literary Lampoon Literary Lampoon http://www.fredonialeader.com/lampoon/literary-lampoon/literary-lampoonist-obsessed-with-facebook-lacks-any-self-control-1.1687524
  
  

  The isolation of fall break proved to be too much for writer, Shanyn Rubinstein. One status post led to a multitude of others and before she could realize it her world had spun out of control. Luckily the break is only four days long. ...

  ]]> Wed, 13 Oct 2010 1.1687524 Literary Lampoon Literary Lampoon http://www.fredonialeader.com/lampoon/literary-lampoon/office-staff-uses-allure-of-red-velvet-cake-to-bait-break-room-thief-1.1687523 Frederick Polone
  By: Frederick Polone
  

  For the past three months at the Admissions House, food left in the office break-room has been swiped. Multiple efforts to curb the nefarious activity were employed. 'We first put up a sign, on the fridge that read and lsquo;I promise to be kind and only ...

  ]]> Wed, 13 Oct 2010 1.1687523 Literary Lampoon Frederick Polone Literary Lampoon http://www.fredonialeader.com/lampoon/literary-lampoon/see-you-next-tuesday-1.1669551 Brett Jones
  By: Brett Jones
  

  Control yourself; I'm talking about exactly what you think I'm talking about. The final frontier. The coup de gr and acirc;ce. The last great 'bad' word. I'm talking about a word so perfectly awful, it doesn't even have a place in back of the bus con...

  ]]> Wed, 6 Oct 2010 1.1669551 Literary Lampoon Brett Jones Literary Lampoon http://www.fredonialeader.com/lampoon/literary-lampoon/dear-shanyn-1.1669549
  By:
  

  I'm a freshman here at Fredonia and I am finding college to be particularly difficult. I am not a slacker. I have been putting in my time studying and going to the tutoring center but even with all these proactive steps that I have been taking I am sti...

  ]]> Wed, 6 Oct 2010 1.1669549 Literary Lampoon Literary Lampoon http://www.fredonialeader.com/lampoon/literary-lampoon/sixth-grader-s-book-report-saved-by-netflix-1.1669545 Fred Polone
  By: Fred Polone
  

  'How America was Saved by Forest Gump,' this was the title of Randall Boyce's American History book report. Six weeks ago it was called upon Randall to read chapters 5 and 6 in his American History textbook and, 'discuss in 3-5 pages the Vietnam War, i...

  ]]> Wed, 6 Oct 2010 1.1669545 Literary Lampoon Fred Polone Literary Lampoon