Summer shakeups

Welcome to the Toy Department. There is nothing for you here if you yearn for the cutting edge of journalistic craft; this is the sports desk.

Hunter S. Thompson said it best in a column for ESPN.com: "It is an open secret on any newspaper that the sports desk will see more action, on any given day, than any other desk will see in a month... that is why sportswriters are almost always the lowest-paid people on newspaper staffs: they are charter members of the Too-Much Fun Club and they like it that way."

Too true.  Yet, sports are a sociological backbone.  They provide a detailed look at the very fiber of our being; a concrete proof of our existence.  Think of the many countries that only seem to exist when the Olympics are on.  As such, within these lines you will find the things that make me passionate about sports and cause an editor to pop Ambien like candy.  Traditional favorites such as football, basketball and hockey will be smashed serendipitously with skateboarding and scuba diving, betting and believing that athletics are bigger than us, the laundry and even winning or losing.  In this completely subjective space I will provide my views, candy coated or caustic, on all things sports.

With all warnings aside, let us explore the events that took place during our absence from the shores of Old Lake Erie:

Seven Summer Sports Shakeups

No.5 Alive in the District:  Perhaps this is a creeping bias from summering near the City of Brotherly love.  But it is not every day that a franchise quarterback is traded to a division rival. In classic fashion, the Philadelphia Eagles brain trust shipped Donovan McNabb to the hated Redskins. Here, despite being "washed up" or "past his prime," No. 5 will almost surely use a strong O-line, running game and Mike Shanahan to return the favor to his forest green ex-family. A textbook case of an organization covering the symptoms (McNabb not winning the Big One) instead of curing the disease (Coach Andy "I'm Smarter than You" Reid).  The 76ers attempted the same thing with the Allen Iverson trade; how did that go?

Duke Finally Ends the Party:  Four years after rape allegations, an overzealous DA and media ended the Blue Devils season, Duke Lacrosse finally stood on top. The Devils crashed an exclusive party.  Only four schools have won the men's title since 1992.  With Notre Dame also taking the field on Memorial Day, a new reveler was certain.  While it was not who I would have preferred, progress is progress.  It will be nice for the seniors to be remembered for more than just strippers and scandal.

Cephalopod Makes Sportswriters Seem Stupid:  Paul the Psychic Octopus went eight for eight in picking Germany's World Cup contests and the final game.  Using an elaborate mussel-in-a-box system, Paul predicted all of the outcomes, including Spain's semifinal win and World Cup crowning.  Despite my distaste for a sport where acting like you are hurt is more important than hurting, this did not go unnoticed.  I have picked up a psychic lobster named Chet from the Tops seafood section; he will assist me whenever I need some help picking winners from now on.  

Troy is Burning:  The NCAA dropped the hammer on USC, hitting the Trojans hard with violations stemming from improper benefits for two of the university's student-athlete stars.  Reggie Bush and OJ Mayo are the primary parties involved. Bush allegedly received gifts that included hotel suites and housing.  His winning the 2005 Heisman Trophy is even being called into question. USC now faces severe penalties, including vacating 15 wins from the 2004-2005 seasons.  Among those wins is expected to be the 2004 BCS National Title.  The program also faces a two year postseason ban in football and a one year ban on the hardwood.  New head coach Lane Kiffin will also be short 10 scholarships for the next three years as he tries to keep fighting on the gridiron.

Bebee Battles the Pacific Octopus:  When word of the Pac 10's nefarious plans for expansion got out, Don Bebee's Big 12 conference was square in the crosshairs.  Rumors swirled of Pac 10 commissioner Larry Scott inviting nearly all of the south division schools to his conference, including powers Texas and Oklahoma.  Colorado did indeed bolt, with the Buffalos playing out west in 2011.  The conference at Death's door, Bebee stepped up.  He tabled a new deal that would have the Longhorns making roughly $25 million a year.  Texas can also set up its own TV network.  Fellow south division schools Texas A&M and Oklahoma will be guaranteed at least $20 million.  The other schools, mainly in the north division, will receive $14 to $17 million pieces of pie.  Despite single handedly holding off college football Armageddon, Bebee did lose two teams to the Football Fallout that fell flat.  Nebraska too fled the Big 12 and made the expected leap to the Big Ten. Mid-major powerhouse Utah joined Colorado out west while Boise State moved to the Mountain West.

Death of a Legend: Legendary UCLA coach John Wooden died on June 4.  He was 99.  Wooden amassed amazing numbers during his years in Pauley Pavilion.  He lead the Bruins to 620 wins, including 88 straight.  He raised the banner on 10 NCAA titles, including a run of dominance from 1967 to 1973 that will never again be matched in major collegiate sports.  He coached greats like Walton and Alcindor, and molded the minds of multitudes of young men.  Still, the former Boilermakers' greatest legacy will be this: he is proof that good men do not always finish last.

Soccer Fever Finally Grips America:  It has finally happened!  Beating England could not do it.  Soccer gods Pele and Beckham could not do it.  Even Brandi Chastain's sports bra could not do it.  But this time, behind Landon Donovan and a dramatic Team USA, the Land of the Free finally loves futbol!  God help us all if that were to be true.